The biggest barrier to communication is other people. We know they are affected by moods, stresses, hidden agendas, personal insecurities, etc. While we cannot change their personality, focusing on the issues instead while communicating can help.
Collectively, it might be possible to do something about how their negativity affects our own ability to communicate. One idea is from internet technology, specifically the world of Massively Multiplayer Online Games. For those unfamiliar, these are games played simultaneously by thousands of players on the internet using PCs, smart phones or consoles. The players learn to ‘interact meaningfully’ i.e. cooperate and compete on a large scale in real time.
Is this concept familiar? What is interesting is that players across the world have developed a self-policing way of dealing with individuals who slow things down, behave annoyingly or disrupt progress. They establish rules like the ‘No Asshole Rule’ or ‘Don’t be a Dick’ (as in an abrasive and inconsiderate person of either gender). Dicks, for example, have an exaggerated sense of their own importance, refuse to follow the normal rules of social behaviour and often change their views as occasion demands so they are difficult to rely upon.
The vulgarity is deliberate. It is to distinguish etiquette from matters of broader concern i.e. anti-social behaviours. Could we do something like this?
There are enough barriers already without our having to put up with individuals who poison the atmosphere and sap everyone’s energy. Political correctness in the NHS may discourage this kind of approach so look first at a related barrier, language.
This can cover accents, use of slang and jargon, and the cultures these represent, and unusual manners or poor handwriting (it’s not just doctors). Accept that it is an imperfect, confusing, multi-cultural world so perseverance, tact and timing are required.
Timing is asking for assistance at the right time, not making a mess of it quickly on your own. It is easier to sort out small problems at the beginning rather than major incidents at the end.
Better listening would help. How do we do this? Here are basic ideas, culled from our last dozen workshops. They emphasise two things: A. what’s on people’s minds and B. how easy it is to kick start the process of improving without much effort.
Here are some of the behaviours that help:
1. Stay quiet; stay still; maintain eye contact.
2. Always be open and show it in your face and body language.
3. Adopt a receptive posture/attitude; mimic others’ body language if you need.
4. Avoid interrupting; allow others to finish speaking; don’t keep thinking about what you’re going to say next instead of listening.
5. Observe and question judiciously as part of the listening process.
6. Ask when you need clarification; nod to confirm understanding.
7. Try to keep assumptions in check; be prepared to change your mind.
8. Empathy (“I understand”) not sympathy (“I agree with you unconditionally”).
9. Summarise often but stop a discussion when it overheats.
10. Think tactically - a discussion with colleagues often has a purpose.
11. Rehearse possible conversation scenarios in your mind beforehand.
12. Remember their name - it is an individual you’re talking to, not a number.
This is Bob Mathers’ first article in this three-part series on communication.
Bob provides non-clinical communications training for health professionals. Email him on bobmathers@btinternet.com or call 07816 230 213.
Tags: Communication
