Guy Finch, a surgeon in Northampton, provides an excellent example of why we need more examples of The Things They Say…

A gentleman was referred to Mr Finch with a left inguinal hernia. He also had a cough impulse in the right groin. This is how the latter was described in the referral letter:

Mr Smith has a coffin pulse on the right, although no symptoms there.

I think we can conclude that this is the final nail for poor Mr Smith.

Keep the misspellings coming to editorial@hospitaldr.co.uk

From the archive: No time to be sheepish 

It’s not only the GMC that makes spelling mistakes.

Mike has dropped Hospital Dr a line about a soldier he once had to anaesthetise for reduction of a fractured ankle. The solider fractured his ankle climbing over a wall as he attempted to escape the camp. He was at the time confined to barracks.

The soldier’s handwritten report of the injury stated: “I broke my ankle jumping from a wall on my way to meat my girlfriend.” Hmmm, could be interpreted a number of ways that one, and ties in rather neatly with another dodgy referral letter sitting on my desk:

Dear Doctor,

I would be grateful for help with this lady, whose relatives are concerned about her behaviour. They fear she may be having paranoid thoughts, for example, she has sheep hung up in her kitchen which she says is to stop the neighbours looking in. She has a third floor flat which is not overlooked.  

Yours…

That’s enough of this meat feast. Send in your examples to editorial@hospitaldr.co.uk

I knew I could count on you to embrace the old format with open arms. And, as John proves, it doesn’t just have to be a mistake on a referral letter that can be funny.

He’s a consultant histopathologist, in Lincoln, and recalls receiving a mislabelled pathology specimen. A vulval biopsy was proudly described as ‘Labia Majorca’.

He pointed out to his colleagues that it sounded like a nice place to spend your holidays.

Keep them coming. Email editorial@hospitaldr.co.uk

No so long ago, in a magazine with a similar name, we used to run a funny format called ‘The things they say’.

The ‘they’ related mainly to medical secretaries, and the ‘things’ concerned the nonsense they’d write in referral letters after mishearing or misunderstanding the doctor’s dictation.

Unlike my usual musings these days, it was genuinely funny. And I’d like to revive it. I can’t do this alone. What I need is for you lot to start submitting the examples which cross your desks once more.

You can either type the relevant bit of the letter into an email (remember to give it the context of preceding sentences) or scan the letter (suitably anonymised) and email a digital copy. Send them to editorial@hospitaldr.co.uk and label them The things they say. 

So, let’s make a start, here’s one from the vault just to whet your appetite:

Dear Doctor,

Thank you for seeing this lady whose ultrasound scan results show gallstones. My colleague has recently referred her to gastroenterology but I feel an operatic procedure will be more likely.

Yours…

Just goes to show it isn’t over until the fat lady sings.