So, only one in four docs think the government’s health reforms will work?

Considering it’s the GPs who are going to be running everything under the new dispensation, I’m surprised it’s as many as that. I’ve yet to find a GP who thinks they will be up to the job, so it’s no wonder that proper doctors (i.e. hospital ones) are equally sceptical.

Mind you, it’s our own fault. For ages, we’ve been wittering on about the need to involve us in the running of the health service. Unfortunately, our masters seem to have misunderstood our use of that word ‘involve’. We didn’t mean we wanted to actually do anything. We wanted the sort of involvement that requires us to attend a committee meeting once a month, thereby getting us out of an outpatient clinic, or operating session, and home in time to surprise the wife with the milkman; the sort that gives us something to put on the CV and gets us up the Clinical Excellence Award ladder with the minimum of effort.

What we didn’t want was a bunch of speccy GPs in cardigans running the NHS for the benefit of the sad assortment of freeloading benefit scroungers and tired-all-the-time inadequates who fill their waiting rooms.

We need bosses who understand the needs of proper patients - those with life-threatening bleeding, big nasty lumps or interesting syndromes. And we need bosses who recognise the need of the consultant body for a proper work/life balance, and a steady supply of properly-trained juniors to take care of the work half of that equation. It’s all a bit depressing, really.

Personally, I think we should give Simon Cowell a crack at it. After all, he does know how to get the best out of a bunch of untalented prima donnas while still turning a healthy profit. The X-factor panel could simply be re-badged as the ‘NHS Board’ that I seem to remember David Cameron promising us - you know, the organisation that was going to run the NHS at arm’s length from government once he got his hands on the levers of power.

So what happened Dave? Well, now’s your chance to deliver. Admittedly, it’s hard to know what useful function Louis Walsh would serve on the Board - so no change there, then. On the other hand, I can think of a number of ways to employ Dannii and Cheryl, but probably best not to go there.

Now I come to think about it, the X-factor solution would also address a number of other NHS agendas, not least transparency and patient choice. Televise the Board meetings, and when there’s a decision to be made on resource allocation (e.g. dialysis for children in renal failure or mobility scooters for obese, work-shy patients with ‘fibromyalgia’) the couch potatoes can phone in. There - job done. Shame about those anuric kids, though.