Arsington Arse. As you will remember, the penny-pinching idiots in our trust eschewed the opportunity to save some money on stupid things that don’t matter, like General Medicine, and instead wielded their axe at the very heart of patient care by making me share an office with lefty-dweeb, compost smelling, beardy, sandal wearing Liberal Democretin knob mechanic Johnson.
I have to spend all day listening to his whiny phone calls, where he basically gets told what to do by his juniors or his wife or his ‘Nurse Practitioners’ whatever they are. And now he reckons it’s acceptable to play his crappy music on his stupid Linux PC, and cover the walls in low-quality artwork done by his obviously-retarded ginger children.
And if that were not enough, he leaves his idiot lefty newspapers lying around, so I am forced to notice THIS.
The bolg starts badly:
“Don’t take offence if we lecture you on how to stay alive and healthy…”
None taken. Don’t take offence if I tell you to go fuck yourself. But then the real killer blow:
“…says Britain’s Leading GP”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Why don’t we just ask Britain’s most intelligent springer spaniel? What follows is a barely coherent version of the tedious lecture that everyone gets whenever they visit the GP, whether it’s because of piles or a gunshot wound to the head. All the usual public health spiel: smoking, drinking, junk food and even sunbeds.
“I admire Girls Aloud’s Nicola Roberts and her campaign against sunbeds.”
Yeah, I bet you do, you perv. Here’s some public health advice, too much ‘admiring’ and you’ll go blind. It’s almost as though GP’s see themselves as somehow, I dunno, relevant. Certainly, Mr Top GP wants us to think they are:
“The roles for GPs are increasing. Every consultation is an opportunity to detect early-warning signs that prevent illness and disease.”
Gosh, what a fascinating life you must lead. But don’t worry everyone:
“GPs are not spoilsports. We genuinely want people to be able to live healthy, fulfilling and productive lives.”
But everyone gets ill all the time! I bet you’re all in tears every day of your 3-days-a-week working lives.
“Every day we are confronted with the harm caused by smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and obesity.”
You and me both. I have to look at Dan The Fat Gasman all day.
“I’m not suggesting that the GP profession can singlehandedly turn the situation around…”
Oh no! Who will save us now, O wise baldy GP man who doesn’t look that svelte himself..?
“…but we are certainly ready to play our part.”
For 200 grand a year. Phew!
“So please don’t take offence if we tell you to lose weight or stop smoking or drinking. You need to face facts and take responsibility. Support is out there and it could save your life - and save the NHS a fortune.”
Hmmm. I have a much better idea on THIS.
Anyway, that’s all from me for this week. My ‘office buddy’ has just arrived wanting to know why the framed picture of the hairy munter he calls Mrs Johnson has been knocked over and broken, and he doesn’t seem to think the words “new pitching wedge” are a satisfactory explanation.
