SOBs must temper their acronym obsession

I had to get a second opinion for an ankle MRI last week, it’s not something I do often, but this one had me foxed.

Don’t get me wrong, I could interpret the images well enough, but I could not make head nor tail of the request. It read: “?? TCJ or TNJ. Probable TCC. ? PPV deviate.” If this means something to you, then I’ll accept intellectual defeat, but I felt like Dan Brown’s symbology expert, Robert Langdon, faced with a Masonic puzzle.

Luckily I deciphered it, and saved the world - sorry I mean wrote the report - and no, I am not going to put you out of your personal misery.

I think this is a generational thing. A patient recently told me that a young doctor didn’t know the term Heberden’s node, but they bat the acronyms out like Brian Lara. As far I was aware, the main virtue of an acronym is that you can insult patients without them noticing, although many, such as GOMER (Get Out Of My Emergency Room) and AMFYOYO (Adios Mother Fucker You’re On You’re Own), are in the public domain thanks to programmes like ER.

We all know that NAD really stands for Not Actually Done, but here’s a few new ones…

SNEFS, SubNormal Even For Suffolk. That had me LMAO (sorry), I’m almost disappointed I don’t work at Ipswich General. Well not really, obviously, but I’d love to write that on a report. Or PIP, Pyjama Induced Paralysis, the syndrome where perfectly mobile patients lose the use of their legs due to a disease process called ‘admission’.

Don’t you love it when a ward patient is wheeled up 20 minutes late for a procedure, then leaps with alacrity out of the chair, and bounds onto the couch with the enthusiasm of a Cocker Spaniel puppy. However, my favourite acronym of the week is ART, Assuming Room Temperature.

So helloooo, orthopaedic surgeons, you know who you are, if you’re going to use an acronym, at least make it funny. Take 24 hours to think about it while I’m summoned to The Vatican by helicopter…

Tags: Acronyms