Nelson's Column, Bolg, Blog, whatever...

Yellow surge disappears down the toilet

Cleggmania? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So, let me get this straight, the Lump Dims ‘surge’ has resulted in FEWER seats! Lololololololol.

Dweeb Urologist and dyed-in-the-wool Limp Dumb supporter Johnson was practically in tears this morning. He’s spent the last month out campaigning in the key marginal Middle Bit of England East with all his beardie-sandal friends. Their candidate Dr Tim Wimp was fully expecting to oust the incumbent Labour MP Janice Bellend, who was defending a slim majority of 25 votes whilst on remand for expenses fraud, corruption and kitten murdering.

Needless to say Ms Bellend was returned with a stonking majority. Over here in Middle bit of England West, the Conservative Sir Nigel Pilkington-Duckhouse retained his seat, and his Lib Dem opponent lost his deposit, though there was chaos at one of the polling stations when Dan the Fat Gasman got stuck in the doorway and thousands were denied the chance to vote.

So what happened? All the pathetic fawning of the overgrown prefect Clegg’s performance on Weakest Link or whatever it was, simply made the Labour vote turn out for once. Looks like your typical workless council-estate benefit junkie realised that unless he did something drastic, like drag his arse off his stained Draylon sofa and waddle all the way to the polling station to actually VOTE for the first time in his life, the Tories might get in, and the teat of endless state generosity on which he sucks might get turned off, and he wouldn’t be able to afford so many deep-fried Mars Bars before breakfast, and might have to switch to a cheaper brand of illegally-imported cigarettes, and the wonderful NuLab world of reward without effort, and entitlement without responsibility might not last for ever.

So now we’re in no-man’s land with Gordon Brownshirt clinging on to No 10 by his bitten fingernails, and no-one knows what the hell’s going to happen

What a MASSIVE load of arse!

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