Arse Arsington Arsevich Von Arsingstein! They’re going to give all the NHS budgets to who? [Cough, splutter...] THE ARSING GPs??
Tell me something. Do they put airlines under the budgetary control of baggage handlers? No.
Who runs Tesco? The trolley collectors? No.
Who decides how the money is spent at BP? The minimum-wage teenage muppet who takes half-an-hour to turn your pump on at the gas station? No - that’s why its share price is so secure.
So why in the name of arse would you give the purse strings of our great and noble NHS to a bunch of glorified know-nothing social workers?
I’ve got a MUCH better idea. Why don’t they give the budget to me? I’d save millions! We replace all the GPs with automated sicknote dispensers, and use the estimated hundred bzillion pounds it would save not paying their absurd salaries to pay for things that really benefit our patients, like clinical excellence awards and a decent staff car park.
Then I’d sack all the useless people - diversity co-ordinators, community outreach liaison advisers, smoking cessation nurses, general physicians. Then I’d employ all the now-unemployed GPs as non-training-grade House Officers (salary: minimum wage plus london weighting, half day on Sunday)
Oh, and in reference to Bob Bury’s question last week, I know exactly how much radiology to purchase - lots and lots. Except it will all come from my mate Sundeep’s new Middle Bit of Uttar Pradesh Most Efficient Radiology Service, where hundreds of highly trained radiologists (salary: minimum wage minus Indian Weighting, half day on 29 Feb) work round the clock to report on our images.
If only Dan the Fat Gasman was so easy to replace…
Tags: Commissioning, GPs, Humour
This is all getting too cosy Jerry, all this referring to each other in our blogs. People will talk.
Incidentally - you did know that Sundeep’s dad is setting up a mobile biliary surgery service? Stenting-while-you-wait for 40 quid plus plus complimentary onion bhaji.
That is utter nonsense! It’s a vegetable samosa.