I really should stop watching the news on TV. It’s such a load of arse. I mean all this fuss because a bunch of miners got stuck down a mine for a few weeks. Big wow. Is it a particularly slow news week or something?
First of all - hello? They’re MINERS. They’re used to being underground, it’s what they do. If you don’t want to spend loads of time down a big hole then become a traffic warden or something. Jeez! Do we really need 24-hour rolling news telling us about EVERY LAST detail? Do we need the BBC to spend a million squillion pounds covering every last inch of it?
And you know what? Even though every reporter on earth with an expense account has swarmed to cover the story, I don’t even know what type of mine it is. What were they digging out? Coal? Gold? Diamonds? Pixie dust? I mean what? Do THEY even know? Maybe that was the problem.
So they got a LITTLE BIT delayed going home one day. Don’t cry about it! You should try being stuck in a never-ending theatre list with a flatulent anaesthetist for a few hours. Or sitting at your desk behind a massive pile of letters watching a lefty urologist picking chick peas out of his beard (NB: YESTERDAY’S chick peas). You’d be begging to be stuck down your nice cosy hole again.
And fine, so they got a ‘little bit’ hungry, and might have had to eat each other, but what about the NHS? What about the scandalous cuts that are going to strike at the heart of patient care by reducing clinical excellence awards? How about a bit of sympathy over here?
And if you think being in a dark hole two miles underground comes anywhere near close to one of the Middle Bit Of England Foundation NHS Trust’s ghastly away day ‘team building’ weekends, then think again. In fact, I wouldn’t put it past them to hold the next one down the same fucking hole. Can’t be any worse than the Premier Lodge on the A417. Come to think of it, they’d never get Dan the Fat Gasman down there.
Actually, that gives me an idea - send all the managers down there, plus a few of the more annoying physicians, and a couple of my favourite heartsink patients, then seal the escape tunnel by packing it with a few infection control nurses…
Tags: Humour
