Oh, Arse. Well at least I’m back at work, dignity nearly intact. After a bit of a talking to from the chief exec and a bunch of flowers to the old witch from infection control they decided I could come back.
Huh! Bloody police state these days.
They reckoned I bullied her, but you know what? I reckon she bullied me! Bullying, n: “to use superior strength or influence to intimidate someone to force him or her to do what one wants”. So who’s the one with the influence, huh? Not me. She can run to the chief exec every five minutes if I don’t immediately kowtow to all the bloody policies that say you have to wash your hair in Betadine and not tread on the cracks in the pavement because of ‘infection control’.
What I don’t understand is, where do all these policies come from? Who’s writing them?
Infection control woman doesn’t write them herself, as she’s quick to point out if you dare challenge them. Plus, as we know, she can’t string a coherent sentence together. The trust board doesn’t write them, they just wave them into law, usually without reading them. You can spend all day on the phone without finding anyone who’s prepared to admit to writing any policy. So how do they come about? Do they just appear?
Do you know what? I’ve just had an idea.
Right, just set up a fake email account, so off we go:
From Mrs Maureen Spudge, Deputy Liaison Support Coordinator, Trust Coordination and Liaison Support Liaison Dept.
Dear all,
Please find attached the latest draft of the Hopping On One Leg policy, as agreed by the trust board. As you know, Hopping On One Leg has been shown to significantly reduce the incidence of hospital-acquired infection. Please cascade to all relevant clinical teams and departments.
Yours sincerely, etc, etc.
UPDATE: well that didn’t take long. Just seen the Headmaster hopping up and down like Dudley Moore on the local news, saying how important it is to take infection control seriously for the good of our patients. What an arse!
I think ‘Maureen’ and I are about to take over the world…
