I came up with my New Year’s resolution at the eleventh hour after having read one pious health story too many over the Christmas period.
Never again will I waste my time reading sanctimonious health stories propagated by po-faced professors.
The Chief Medical Officer (oh how we’ll miss him) started the rot before Christmas by admonishing all us terrible parents for trying to introduce our children to sensible drinking in the home.
Then the BMJ escalated the situation by saying Father Christmas is a bad role model because he eats and drinks too much. Cue tabloid headlines saying “Santa is an elf and safety nightmare”.
We then peaked with the Royal College of Physicians’ and NHS Confederation’s holier-than-thou stance on heavier drinking and its unsustainable costs for the NHS (£2.7bn a year apparently). Bet their Christmas parties were fun?!
The only decent health story all Christmas was by The Lancet when it warned that if you’ve been given a tarantula as a present be careful when cleaning its cage - one loyal owner did and received an ejected ‘mist’ of barbed hairs which dug into his eyes causing serious discomfort.
So, as a po-faced professor would say, a tarantula isn’t just for Christmas…
Tags: Humour
