Am I alone in thinking the honours list is sinister?

Another year, another set of gongs. And there are some pretty distinguished names included on the Queen’s birthday honours list this time round for ‘services to medicine’.

The following all received knighthoods: Prof Marc Feldman, Professor of Cellular Immunology, Kennedy Institute of Rheumatology; Prof Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians; and, Prof Peter Rubin, chairman of the GMC.

So, how do you get on the list? Well, anyone can nominate anyone. Then there’s a series of committees, blah, blah, blah. But, the detail of the process and decision-making remains shrouded in mystery.

I find this a deeply disturbing anachronism. As the walls of most of our ‘secret societies’ are slowly dismantled, either voluntarily or through freedom of information requests, the honours list remains opaque and surprisingly unquestioned.

I’m sure these guys - sorry knights - are all fine doctors, and will look great on horseback in chain mail, but I start to worry when I see Department of Health ‘spin doctors’ on the list.

(I only met Sian Jarvis, the DoH’s director-general of communications once but it was memorable. I received a long and rather condescending lecture at Richmond House about how my magazine was too questioning of government policy. My reply - “Er, durr, that’s my job” - didn’t seem to help.)

If I were offered a knighthood for services to journalism, or jam making, or whatever, I would definitely turn it down. And I’d really enjoy writing “thanks, but no thanks”. It’s just another way of reinforcing privilege. It would be interesting to know how many doctors who’ve received knighthoods are male, white and from public school. I certainly didn’t notice many long-serving, immigrant hospital porters in the list.

I’m always surprised that more people don’t turn them down. Lot’s of people denounce them, and their like, but when push comes to shove the desire to join the club proves too strong. Just look at Prezza.

It’s sad but in a profession that is becoming steadily more elitist, I can’t remember hearing of a doctor who’s turned one down.

And, how do they stomach the accolades without feeling bilious? This is from the GMC’s chief exec on their press release - yes, press release - on the subject: “I am sure everyone at the GMC joins me in congratulating Peter. This is richly deserved and is recognition of a highly distinguished career in medicine and research, as well as a great contribution to medical education and regulation. It also reflects well on the GMC and what Peter has achieved in the years he has served this organisation.”

It’s all starting to sound a bit like an Oscar acceptance speech.

And then Gwyneth Paltrow, sorry Prof Gilmore, on a separate press release (yes, press release) tries the old trick of suggesting he’s only really accepting it on behalf of his organisation: “I am delighted to receive this honour, which I believe acknowledges and reflects the tremendous efforts made by the Royal College of Physicians to improve health and healthcare in the UK and beyond. This is done through setting standards, educating doctors, and promoting an environment where people can make choices that promote health and wellbeing.”

You’re not fooling anyone Prof - we know this one’s for you.

I think I may now have officially blown my chances of being knighted but, should opportunity come knocking for you, please strike a blow for equality and transparency and write a beautifully crafted letter turning it down (and do it before your spouse comes home and forces you to accept it).

Tags: Honours list, Humour