It is with regret that I have to announce the death of Robert Ettinger. “Who?” I hear you cry. The man who invented cryonics.
As a child I was obsessed with his particularly bonkers field of research, freezing the rich, so that they can be re-animated in the future. His corpse has now joined the 200 or so, predominantly stored in either the US or Russia.
Some of those wanting cryostasis, could only afford to have their heads saved - think Nixon in Futurama. These bodies are preserved at around minus 200 degrees celcius, in giant thermos flasks. Maybe I’m being unfair to imply that this is just for the rich, but how many of us would waste over $200,000 on a bet with extremely long odds on winning?
With his ‘never say death, say cryostasis’ optimism, Ettinger created a not so hi-tech facility for storing his collection of corpses. You can see some photos here. My particular favourite is perfusion-kit-in-a-suitcase, sitting in front of the fire and the telly.
Even when I was 14, and read his original work, The Prospect Of Immortality, I could see that Ettinger was, how can I put it nicely, a NUTJOB. Bizarrely, one of the highest concentrations of takers for the scheme is in Peacehaven, hordes of men and women running from the bowling green, asking where to sign for this complete nonscience.
Here are the fundamental flaws…
Surely for cryonics to work you would have to have your cellular fluid replaced antemortem, so you would have to murder your clients.
Why bother resurrecting a decrepit 92-year-old, who is just going to peg it immediately?
If you’ve just had your head frozen with the hope of uploading your personality to a future body donor, wouldn’t you wait until the technology was ready for you to download it first.
Come to mention it, whose body would you be planning on snatching?
Surely in 2011 the technology to clone you would be a better investment. Why would we want to wake up to a world filled with Sussex blue rinses? And most importantly - how long can you leave a leg of lamb in the freezer before it gets freezer burn?
The first ‘client’ of Ettinger’s was his mother, followed by his two wives. Both wives??? I hope for his sake the technology doesn’t work, it could get very messy.